Ponderstorm My Brainstorm on Life & Politics

Someone sent me this via email. I don’t know who to attribute it to but, as a Southerner, I thought it was funny and wanted to share. It’s entitled “Are You a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?” Here is a humorous little test that will help you decide:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you…

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat’s Answer:

* Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

* Does the man look poor or oppressed?

* Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

* Could we run away?

* What does my wife think?

* What about the kids?

* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

* What does the law say about this situation?

* Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?

* Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

* Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

* Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

* Should I call 9-1-1?

* Why is this street so deserted?

* We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.

* Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

* I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

* This is all so confusing!

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

Southerner’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click….. (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!”

Son: “Can I shoot the next one?!”

Wife: “You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!”

Disclaimer: I know this “test” is stereotyped and not all will find it funny.  While I am not trying to offend anyone, I am likewise not willing to bow before the “politically correct police.”  I wish everyone would just lighten up a little and laugh about these things a bit.

Posted under Politics

Someone forwarded me an interesting “poem” that resembles a Dr. Seuss writing. If Dr. Seuss wrote about the nationalized health care legislation that was recently jammed through and shoved down our throats he might have said something like this:

I do not like this Uncle Sam,
I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks,
Or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker, Nan,
I do not like this ‘YES WE CAN.’

I do not like this spending spree,
I’m smart, I know that nothing’s free.

I do not like your smug replies,
When I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it, nope, nope, nope!

I don’t know to whom to attribute this cleverness but I think they did an excellent job expressing my sentiments. I feel they should resign and leave us alone so others can undo their damage!

Posted under Politics

This is a guest post by Tim Jones that originally appeared on PonderPost. It was published on May 11, 2009 and is republished her with the permission of Tim Jones since PonderPost is being restructured for a future relaunch.

I live in Florida and know a few gay couples that were married, here in Florida.  You might be saying, “I thought gay marriage had not been legalized in Florida?”  Well, you’re right.  As far as the government is concerned, it’s not a legally binding contract, as a standard marriage.

However, they were married, in a church, in Florida, with the full bridal party, and rings.  We’ll come back to that, in a minute.

Marriage is a sacrament — a state of grace or a vocation between you, your spouse, and God.  When I got married, I wasn’t particularly concerned with what the government thought or did with respect to my marriage.  I just wanted to be married to my wife.  I wanted my church’s blessing and my parent’s blessing, but I did not concern myself with the state’s blessing.

Many churches (not the Roman Catholic faith to which I belong) in Florida will perform weddings for gay couples.  You can have the full ceremony, complete with flowers, music, and reception.  With the blessing of these churches and your family, you can be a married couple — what would seem to be the most important part of this sacred union.

With that in mind, I’m not stopping anyone from getting married in Read More…

Posted under Politics

Someone sent me an interesting analogy via email today. It’s an adaptation of one of Aesop’s most popular fables known as The Ant and the Grasshopper. While I’m sure this work could be improved upon, it is thought-provoking in light of our federal government which seems intent on penalizing work and the accumulation of wealth by those who take risks in business and are self-reliant.

I quote this adaptation below (original source unknown) for you to ponder on the political implications. Please share your thoughts after reading this adaptation of the Ant and the Grasshopper.

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shiveringgrasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.  How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green….’ ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames Read More…

Posted under 60 Seconds, Politics

Someone emailed me this image yesterday. It is entitled “Government Snow Plow” and includes the caption “Designed by the same people designing the health care reform” below the image.

I think this picture cleverly depicts the often staggeringly inefficient results of non-market-based interventions within our economy. Over time a truly free market weeds out most waste and excess. Conversely, politicians like to hand out favors (our Founding Fathers called it largess) using our money and thus perpetuate, and expand, government waste.

I don’t know who to attribute this image to but it sure is clever. I also feel the email’s health care analogy is pertinent. Think about this: how can we trust our federal government to manage the entire nation’s health care system for 300+ million people when they can’t even take good care of a few million veterans? What think you?

Posted under 60 Seconds, Economy, Politics